We named our party play list daddy issues
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
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