you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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