Having a random hookup so left but love u
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
