he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize