i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
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