bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
