sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Jerry, you need to find god
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
