it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
only you would photoshop your dick
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
