We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Randomize
