i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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