Yo dont text me then not text me
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
