i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
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