I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Randomize
