he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
