i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
