Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
