she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
