so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
be right there i have to get my cape
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
