Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
