if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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