after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Randomize
