You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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