Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
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