We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
