seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
My ATM looks so different sober.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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