clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
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