True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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