apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
