I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
