don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
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