We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
