I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Randomize
