y did u give ur computer a hand job?
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Randomize
