How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Randomize
