Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
