How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
