I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Randomize
