You're so nebulous sometimes
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
