I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
