Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
