one might say we're banned from that church
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
