Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
soo... how was my night?
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