dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
Randomize
