I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
