i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
