Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
