its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
