I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Randomize
