I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
