That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Randomize
