2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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