I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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