I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
