just come out here and I will go home with you...
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize