New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
