i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Randomize
