Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
