When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
