from now on my penis is your penis
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
