why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
