I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
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