This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Randomize
