Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Randomize
