Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
