This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Randomize