Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
