I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize