i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
